"It's eating my book! That is my face being devoured! That is mauling by proxy!"
Oh, Stephen--don't your legs get tired? You know, from all the jumping to conclusions that you do?
More plausible alternatives that Mr. Colbert has conveniently ignored:
- The book has been rubbed with something yummy.
- The bear is exhibiting a symptom of iron-deficiency anemia.
I'm starting to think that some patriotic American bear needs to step forward and run against him...