Thursday, October 11, 2007

Colbear Nation

I'd like to take a moment to welcome ColBear Nation to the "My Homies" link list on the Colbear Report.

This website is a celebration of bears and a gentle reminder to Mr. Colbert of the great contribution bears have made to this country. From esteemed funny man Fozzy Bear to Snuggles the Fabric Softener Bear, we have been riding bikes, wearing tutus and eliminating static cling for generations.
One obvious omission from this list is the beloved Winnie the Pooh. I should clarify, beloved by humans. Among bears, well, maybe you know someone like this. He's family, and, if the chips are down, of course you'll have his back. But you spend a lot of time trying to come up with excuses why this just isn't a good time for him to visit you. Because, if he does, he might just eat all your food and then get stuck in your front door when he finally tries to leave.

But still, it's hard to get too mad at him, because he just can't help himself...
We begin with Pooh. This unfortunate bear embodies the concept of comorbidity. Most striking is his Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), inattentive subtype. As clinicians, we had some debate about whether Pooh might also demonstratesignificant impulsivity, as witnessed, for example, by his poorly thought out attempt to get honey by disguising himself as a rain cloud. We concluded, however, that this reflected more on his comorbid cognitive impairment, further aggravated by an obsessive fixation on honey. The latter, of course, has also contributed to his significant obesity. Pooh’s perseveration on food and his repetitive counting behaviours raise the diagnostic possibility of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Given his coexisting ADHD and OCD, we question whether Pooh may over time present with Tourette’s syndrome. Pooh is also clearly described as having Very Little Brain. We could not confidently diagnose microcephaly, however, as we do not know whether standards exist for the head circumference of the brown bear. The cause of Pooh’s poor brain growth may be found in the stories themselves. Early on we see Pooh being dragged downstairs bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head. Could his later cognitive struggles be the result of a type of Shaken Bear Syndrome?
The poor dear...


Catreona said...

I think, Mr. Colbear, that you overlook one strength of Pooh, his poetic gifts, to whit:

Isn't it funny
How a bear likes honey,
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
I wonder why he does.


The more it snows, Tiddlipum
The more it goes, Tiddlipum
The more it goes, Tiddlipum
On snowing.

And nobody knows, tiddlipum
How cold my toes, Tiddlipum
How cold my toes, Tiddlipum
are growing.

Which just goes to show, yet again, that creative genious may well coexist with mental abnormality or illness. No one thinks it odd, for instence, when a creative artist is manic depressive (bipollar) and/or alcoholic. Why then should Pooh's poetic ability not coexist with the behaviors and conditions you mention in the quotation?

I believe, also, that the assertion of Pooh's being a bear of very little brain is a cheap shot, occasioned by jealousy. After all, Pooh lives in an idilic world, with many loving friends and clearly possesses a rich imaginative life as well as the afore mentioned creative endowments. He is clearly a bear to be reckoned with; and, as such, naturally draws the envy of, shall we say, less fortunate persons.

Lastly but certainly not leastly (sic): you need to be more sensitive to the weight challenged. Obeasity is a serious medical condition, often beyond the control of the sufferer, which itself may cause or exaserbate further conditions. Since the number of weight challenged Americans is at an alltime high, I would suggest (re the above post) that if you plan to run for president, you would do well to be mindful of the feelings, needs and voting power of both upwardly weight challenged (fat) and downwardly weight challenged (skinny) Americans. And, a good place to start is not to make fun of Pooh's rotundity.

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