The Bear in the Woods

Stephen Colbert ended his show today by showing Ronald Reagan's 1984 campaign ad "Bear". I'd actually never seen that particular ad before, since it was before my time. But, if you read the ad copy, it's pretty obvious why my bear-hating nemesis would be fond of the ad.

There is a bear in the woods. For some people the bear is easy to see. Others don't see it at all. Some people say the bear is tame. Others say it's vicious. And dangerous. Since no one can really be sure who is right, isn't it smart to be as strong as the bear? If there is a bear.

Yep, another piece of anti-bear propagada. Typical.

By the way, the whole "some say" the bear this, that, or the other rather amuses me. Trés Fox News. I'll hand the Gipper that--he was ahead of his time with that one.

But I think I can shed some light on the bear's true motivations. Here's a screen capture from the ad. Will you just look at who this bear is consorting with...

That's right--trees!

Per Mr. Reagan:

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles."

"Approximately 80 percent of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emission standards from man-made sources."

*smacks cheek with paw* Oh no! He's onto us!

Trees and bears--if we ever join forces, we'll be unstoppable! Bwahahahahaha!

Except...Gipper...why does that name make me smile?

Probably because it sounds like kipper. Mmmmm...kippers!

Apologies to my photosynthesizing coconspirators, but the world domination thing will have to wait. Sorry to disappoint you, but there's something I really need to chew--I mean do--right now...