I'm Stephen Colbear, and I'm here to defend the honor of my fellow Ursine-Americans against attacks by one Stephen ColBERT.
People tell me I'm a beige bear, and I believe them--why would anyone lie about something like that?
But I don't see color. That's an expression, by the way. Bears really do see colors. But we're awfully nearsighted. Thus the glasses. I wanted to get contacts, but I knew my paws wouldn't cooperate. And my friends told me about some kind of surgery I could have, but that's just out of the question. The way I see it, the words "laser" and "eye" don't even belong in the same sentence. So I'll be sticking with the glasses.